• Jennie Askins LC

Having Boundaries Creates a Happier Life

Updated: Dec 14, 2019

Having Proper Boundaries is something we all struggle with from time to time and some of us struggle with this daily. When I talk about boundaries I talk about it in the sense of learning to say no. Say YES when it feels comfortable to say yes. It is time to let go of the disease to please. We need boundaries with everyone in our lives friends, our significant other, children, co-workers, parents, siblings, bosses etc.

Creating Healthy Boundaries:

1.) Listening to your inner feelings. You have heard the saying if it feels right it is right, if it feels wrong it is wrong. Healthy Boundaries is about honoring your true feelings. When you want to say no but say yes that is when you will start to feel anxious, discontentment and resentment. From time to time we all say yes when we want to say no out of obligation. When you are constantly saying yes and wanting to say no you will start to feel more trapped then free. When we feel trapped anxiety takes over and crushes our happy feelings. Start paying attention to what your inner feelings are trying to tell you. I promise you they will not lead you wrong. Have they ever in the past??

2.) Know your threshold you can not set good boundaries if you do not know your own limits. With my two little girls I know when I am reaching my threshold, I make sure before that happens I set good boundaries. Example: in the morning before school my girls can only take two toys downstairs or two toys in the car with them on the way to school. I used to spend an hour when I would get home putting all their toys away. Setting boundaries and limits is healthy not only for us but for our children as teaches them how to set good boundaries later in life. Kids yearn for structure and healthy boundaries. When children live in a home with poor boundaries and no limits it actually creates anxiety. Do not hesitate to set limits on things you know will make you angry. It is worse for everyone around you to see you lose your cool then it is for you to set limits beforehand.

3.) Seek Support it is OK to ask for help. We all need help from time to time. It takes a strong courageous person to ask for help. The most successful outcomes typically involve more then one person. The saying two heads are better then one is a true statement. We learn from each other. Research shows The more we let people help us the more they like us. ASK and you shall RECEIVE

4.) Self Care this is so important . When we do not take time for self care we start to experience burn out, We give from an empty cup. Self care could be different for me then it is for you. Find something you enjoy and do it, I don't care if it is for five minutes- DO IT!

5.) People around you will understand some of us are afraid of changing because we are afraid our loved ones will not like it or worse yet may abandon us. Most people pleaders are afraid of losing love from others. If you do not start creating healthy boundaries the people around you will sense your unhappiness. In my opinion you being miserable most of the time will make people not want to be around you more then you learning to say no and setting boundaries. Setting good boundaries is respecting yourself,

6.) Start Small do not push yourself to hard. It takes 21 days to create a new habit. If there is something in your life right now that isn't working create a boundary. You are an example for your children. We show our kids what it means to live a healthy balanced life. We will not reach a healthy balance in our lives if we do not have good boundaries. Do what is comfortable for you.

It is essential to have boundaries, they are there to teach others how to behave around us.

Having Boundaries in our lives show people how to treat us, Research shows we will be less resentful, more willing to give and overall happier human beings, Limit setting is a very essential part of parenting. Setting limits gives our children a heightened sense of security. We empower those around us to honor their true self when they see us live that way. Start today Creating a Healthier Happier YOU by setting some limits

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